Hey everybody, I am posting this very sleep deprived and in an extremely sad state. And let me say, maybe you shouldnt read this if you are pregnant....
Last night my sister, who was due to have her little boy Kaiden next week calls me saying she hasnt felt well all afternoon and hasnt been feeling the baby move much. Having been through pregnancies recently, I told her to drink something very cold and caffeinated and sit down and then see how much she can get the little guy to move. Well at the advice of me and my mom she tries this. I don't hear back from her so about 45 minutes later I call her back and unfortunately still nothing going on in there... we go to the hospital not really thinking something is wrong but going just to be safe. I mean she has three dr's appointments a week (regular ob/gyn and then NSTs) to make sure the little man is doing well and he has always been fine so why would we worry!? The nurses make me wait in the waiting room and take her back... about 15 minutes later a nurse with a sad face comes to get me... I am immediately worried and the nurse warns me before I go in the room that they can't find any hearbeat or see any movement coming from the baby. I walk into the ultrasound room and my sister is obviously so upset, and so am I. We go through more testing, Mom comes to the hospital and eventually we get the worst news you could possibly hear... baby Kaiden has died. All three of us are devastated. Renee's options are to get induced immediately, or wait and process everything and then get induced.. she chooses to induce immediately, I mean who could go on like that?! Mom and I stay with her at the hospital all night, crying, laughing, talking, just trying to make each other comfortable, but clearly no one is. I cannot imagine going through what my sister is going through. I admire her strength.
In a situation like this you have no idea what to do or say because this is just a terrible thing that cannot be explained. Nurses talk to us about everything from the babies name to if we want to hold him and how we should begin planning a funeral.
Just after noon, baby Kaiden is finally born... he looked exactly like any other baby, only so still. He looked so peaceful, like he was sleeping and would wake up at any moment with that newborn cry anyone with a child knows so well. Kaiden was so cold and lifeless, ashy instead of pink. Nothing appears to be wrong, the earlier speculations of a compromised vessel in the cord and an internally ruptured placenta are ruled out... apparently baby Kaiden just died. This is by far the most emotional thing I have ever been through... to see this little body whose life was taken so soon can't help but make you cry. Sometimes when we looked at him we swear we saw him move, but that was our own shaking. I know god has a plan, and this was his plan for Kaiden, but it seems so unfair. To take such a small innocent child, and to leave his mother and family with such an empty feeling, I cannot begin to understand why. After visits from kaiden's brothers and grandpa as well as my mom and I, I don't think there has ever been so many tears shed. I came home tonight and could not be more grateful for my two amazing, beautiful and healthy children whom I love more than I could ever express.
Baby Kaiden was born on March 18, 2009 at 12:19 pm. He weighed 7 lbs 4 ozs and was 21 inches long. While we only knew him living in his mommy's tummy he was a big part of our lives. We cuddled him for many hours after his birth and couldnt bear the thought of saying goodbye. Kaiden, are sorry you had to leave us so soon and we will forever miss you. May you rest in peace baby Kaiden. We love you.
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