My little man is growing up...

I don't know if its friends having babies, or just the fact that my kids have really grown up a lot lately, but I have really been realizing just how fast time flies and how quickly children grow up. I know my mom used to tell me this all the time, but I don't think its ever something you really believe until you experience it, but wow... kids just grow so quickly! Tonight was Bennett's back to school night for his first year in preschool and just thinking about my little man taking this big step into school has me just devastated! I am so proud of him because he is such a great kid, so sweet, and really the best little guy I could ask for, but does he really have to grow up so fast? Just watching him play, or listening to the amazing conversations that he is able to carry on, makes me realize that he is turning into such a grown up little guy. With my little guy getting so big, I think its time to take a trip down memory lane with Mr. Bennett.... He was such a cute little (at 9 lbs 3 ozs, I guess he would be a big guy) guy...




When he cried at the hospital, it was hilarious because all the nurses would come running in to my room or call me to make sure everything was ok because this little guy had such a loud- you can't ignore me, give me what I want cry, that you thought he must be about to die!

I can't seem to find the picture I LOVED of him as a newborn, but this is pretty cute..

And then as Bennett grew, of course, so did his personality, and while I'm sure he has OCD and he is so particular that it drives me bonkers, he is just so freakin' cute, I don't know how you couldn't fall in love with him... Here he is on his first birthday, having his first cupcake with family! Bennett was a huge lover of food, in fact, all of his first words involved food: nack (snack), cacka (cracker), mmmm (anything he put into his mouth- sadly, once, he went outside and put dog poop in that cute little mouth- I only found this out because I thought hmmm, he's outside, what could possibly be "mmm" out there- so I checked in his mouth and sure enough, a piece of poopy! totally gross, I know, but a classic story I will be sure to tell his future girlfriends)

And just so you get a clear image of the 'true' Bennett... here he is just after naptime- such a joy to be around, as you can see!

But no matter what, Bennett has always been a mommy's boy!

Aww, so much fun carving pumpkins (although he didnt much care for the gooey stuff on his hands) Ok, so before I make this the longest post EVER... let me jump ahead to now.. my big almost three and a half year old boy who is starting preschool in less than a week...

He loves to do all sorts of 'boy' things, like yardwork with Daddy, building things, and playing with cars nonstop

He is a little stud driving down the road on his tricycle....

At three, Bennett is a fish... he can swim, dive, and seriously hold his breath under water longer than I can... I have no doubt that one day I will be watching him swim in the Olympics...

My little man is growing up fast, and one day, he won't want to hug and kiss on his Mommy... But for now, Bennett is a perfect little boy who can't get enough of me and while it might not always seem like it, I am cherishing every moment!

I love you Bennett!

Just an FYI- I am going to cry like a baby next Tuesday when I drop this little guy off at preschool for the first time...

Kids just have to make you smile!

We are sitting eating dinner and Bennett decides to bust out in song... what song does he choose? Twinkle Twinkle maybe? No! The Itsy Bitsy Spider? Wrong again! Our wonderful angelic little boy chooses "One, two, three, four... Get your booty on the floor... gonna gonna get up get down, gonna gonna get up get down..." only Bennett says... "one, two, free, fo..." and then the rest in three year old speak... I don't even know the exact words, because ya know, I just don't, but to hear Bennett singing this just cracked me and Bengt up! Bengt and I are hysterical at this point when we peek across the table and our little princess Ella who can hardly contain herself... she is busting a move in her high chair, dancing as much as she can sitting to her big brother signing this! If ever there was a moment when you wished you had a video camera, this was it! We could have had a you-tube hit! If only we had the camera handy!You gotta love the cute things kids do out of nowhere!

Kaiden Noah Brown

Hey everybody, I am posting this very sleep deprived and in an extremely sad state. And let me say, maybe you shouldnt read this if you are pregnant....

Last night my sister, who was due to have her little boy Kaiden next week calls me saying she hasnt felt well all afternoon and hasnt been feeling the baby move much. Having been through pregnancies recently, I told her to drink something very cold and caffeinated and sit down and then see how much she can get the little guy to move. Well at the advice of me and my mom she tries this. I don't hear back from her so about 45 minutes later I call her back and unfortunately still nothing going on in there... we go to the hospital not really thinking something is wrong but going just to be safe. I mean she has three dr's appointments a week (regular ob/gyn and then NSTs) to make sure the little man is doing well and he has always been fine so why would we worry!? The nurses make me wait in the waiting room and take her back... about 15 minutes later a nurse with a sad face comes to get me... I am immediately worried and the nurse warns me before I go in the room that they can't find any hearbeat or see any movement coming from the baby. I walk into the ultrasound room and my sister is obviously so upset, and so am I. We go through more testing, Mom comes to the hospital and eventually we get the worst news you could possibly hear... baby Kaiden has died. All three of us are devastated. Renee's options are to get induced immediately, or wait and process everything and then get induced.. she chooses to induce immediately, I mean who could go on like that?! Mom and I stay with her at the hospital all night, crying, laughing, talking, just trying to make each other comfortable, but clearly no one is. I cannot imagine going through what my sister is going through. I admire her strength.

In a situation like this you have no idea what to do or say because this is just a terrible thing that cannot be explained. Nurses talk to us about everything from the babies name to if we want to hold him and how we should begin planning a funeral.

Just after noon, baby Kaiden is finally born... he looked exactly like any other baby, only so still. He looked so peaceful, like he was sleeping and would wake up at any moment with that newborn cry anyone with a child knows so well. Kaiden was so cold and lifeless, ashy instead of pink. Nothing appears to be wrong, the earlier speculations of a compromised vessel in the cord and an internally ruptured placenta are ruled out... apparently baby Kaiden just died. This is by far the most emotional thing I have ever been through... to see this little body whose life was taken so soon can't help but make you cry. Sometimes when we looked at him we swear we saw him move, but that was our own shaking. I know god has a plan, and this was his plan for Kaiden, but it seems so unfair. To take such a small innocent child, and to leave his mother and family with such an empty feeling, I cannot begin to understand why. After visits from kaiden's brothers and grandpa as well as my mom and I, I don't think there has ever been so many tears shed. I came home tonight and could not be more grateful for my two amazing, beautiful and healthy children whom I love more than I could ever express.

Baby Kaiden was born on March 18, 2009 at 12:19 pm. He weighed 7 lbs 4 ozs and was 21 inches long. While we only knew him living in his mommy's tummy he was a big part of our lives. We cuddled him for many hours after his birth and couldnt bear the thought of saying goodbye. Kaiden, are sorry you had to leave us so soon and we will forever miss you. May you rest in peace baby Kaiden. We love you.

Getting the hang of it!

Whoo hoo, look at me go... adding pictures and everything! Now I need to figure a few more things out, but naptime has served me well today!

At home with sick kids..

So, over the past month my children, who are usually very healthy, have both had colds that wonderfully enough turned to bronchitis, ear infections, vomiting (always fun), and now we are working with the 'real' flu- and this is all the main illnesses, not to mention the other things we have dealt with because of the other things, for instance, Bennett couldn't breathe and had to be put on steriods and both kids on breathing machines, and Ella has had some very high fevers! I am just wondering how long this is all going to last! Ella is finally feeling better, and as of today, so is Bennett, but he has that seal-y cough, which can't be good- last time that preceded his bronchitis, so they think maybe his respitory things are brought on by coming down with a virus, but I am hoping and praying he can avoid the flu that Ella just had. After way to many visits to the pediatrician, and way to many medications, I am hoping the worst is over!
All that being said though, all the time cooped up at home because we can't spread any germs has allowed me to try to figure out this blog thing a little more because what else am I going to do? I am finding it rather hilarious though that it has taken me how many months to even think about figuring this out! Oh well... I guess that's why at this point, this blog is staying quiet! I figure I will tell people more about it once I am happy with it!